Amber Kallyn

 ***Don’t forget to read the Caveats***

For information on Boring Dialogue, see Part 1 and for Dialogue Punctuation, see Part 2, and for “As you Know Bob” and Repetition, see Part 3

Dialogue Tags

Dialogue tags come in many forms:

He/she said

He/she said angrily

He/she whispered – shouted – screamed – mumbled

‘Said’ is one of those words that readers don’t even really see. A good rule of thumb is when in doubt, go with simple.

Some people also use the reverse, rather than ‘she said’, authors will write ‘said she’. This reverse is becoming less common and sounds, or ‘reads’ unusual to many readers.

Motion Tags

Rather than writing “I didn’t know,” she said, an author can use movements.

 “But,” she ran her hands through her hair, “what about Joe?”

 She ran her hands through her hair. “But what about Joe?”

 “But what about Joe?” She ran her hands through her hair.

 Movement tags not only act as attributes (letting the reader know who’s doing the speaking), but also convey character emotion and act as ‘Beats’.

 Which is more interesting to read: (Gets into Show Don’t Tell)

      “You wouldn’t dare,” she said angrily.

     “You wouldn’t dare.” She slammed her fist on the table, making the fine china and silverware rattle.

 Beats

Sometimes, you want the reader to stop at certain points emphasizing different words or to draw out suspense.

“There was just so much…” Sally took a deep, shaky breath. “So much blood.”

Breaking up dialogue can also control pace:

 “Will you marry me,” Tom asked, bending down on one knee.

Sally’s eyes burned as tears welled. “Tom,” she whispered. “I…”

“Well?”

Sally took a deep breath. “Yes. Yes, I will.”

~vs~

 “Then?” Tom asked.

“Well, then I…” Sally shook her head. “Then I decided I had to do it.”

“You did it?”

“Yes. I took his old shotgun and raced outside.”

“And the dog?”

“That mean ol’ mangy mutt never knew what hit him.”

Tom Swifties

Back in the 60’s, a comic book artist wrote about a boy named Tom Swift, and his many adventures. The author commonly used adverbs as dialogue tags.

“Yes, Joe,” Tom said happily.

“The sun’s too hot,” Tom complained hotly.

“Well, that makes me mad,” Tom said angrily.

Tom ran and ran. “I’m tired,” Tom said with exhaustion.

Now, adverbs and adjectives are not the enemy, but they can distract from the dialogue itself. They can also become a bit silly.

It’s always better to use ‘said’ than a string of -ly words.

 ***Don’t forget to read the Caveats***

For information on Boring Dialogue, see Part 1 and for Dialogue Punctuation, see Part 2

Dialogue Part 3

As You Know Bobs

One common problem with dialogue is the ‘As You Know Bob’ syndrome. Beginning (and sometimes not-so-beginning) writers have all this knowledge of the story in their head. And this information needs to be given to the reader so things make sense.

Unfortunately, sometimes this trap jumps right up and captures us.

     “Hey Bob, how’s it going?” Joe asked, sitting at the table.

     Bob nodded as he continued to endlessly stir his coffee.

     “So Bob, you know Jesse, your cousin who got married last year? She’s coming to town with her new husband who’s a tax accountant. They have their two kids, Billy and Sally. And they might even be bringing that dog you gave them, Old Blue.”

Now, if you knew Bob, would you ever sit down and start telling him details like this about people he already knows? Bob would be looking at you like you’re crazy. In fact, his response my go like this:

     Bob glanced up. “Joe, what’s wrong with you? I already know all that about my cousin and her family. Why are you telling me?”

Repetition

Another common problem with dialogue is repetition. If something is said in dialogue, it doesn’t then have to be shown in exposition (and visa-versa) 

     Tony nodded sharply. “We’ll go around the rocks, check for any traps.”

     Sally patted her horse’s neck. “And after the bridge?”

     “We’ll just have to see.”

     Tony and Sally spurred their horses into a gallop, racing down the trail. They reached the boulders and checked for any traps. There were none. The two riders continued down the trail to the river, and the bridge. Then they crossed.

     “Now what?” Sally asked.

     Tony scratched his chin thoughtfully. “Well, let’s head to the town. Dr. Evans might be in. Then we can take him back to the farm to look old Joe over.”

     Tony and Sally rode on, over the bridge and reached the town. They dismounted in front of Dr. Evan’s house, tied the reins to the post and went in to see if the doctor was available.

     Sally stopped inside the door. “Doctor? Are you here? We need some help back at the farm.”

Readers are smart. They can figure out what’s going on with just subtle hints. If they are reading a story, and the author keeps repeating the same information again and again, most readers are going to get bored and stop reading.